American actor, rapper, and film producer Willard Carroll Smith Jr, commonly known as Will Smith has recalled contemplating killing his dad.
In his new memoir, Will Smith noted a traumatic childhood incident that almost pushed him to kill his father.
“When I was nine years old, I watched my father punch my mother in the side of the head so hard that she collapsed,” Will said in the book, according to People, which printed an exclusive excerpt.
“I saw her spit blood. That moment in that bedroom, probably more than any other moment in my life, has defined who I am. Within everything that I have done since then-the awards and accolades, the spotlights and attention, the characters and the laughs-there has been a subtle string of apologies to my mother for my inaction that day. For failing her at the moment. For failing to stand up to my father. For being a coward.”
Will recalled in the book how he felt about his dad years later after he was diagnosed with cancer and was so ill that he used a wheelchair.
“One night, as I delicately wheeled him from his bedroom toward the bathroom, a darkness arose within me,” the actor wrote in his memoir, per People. “As a child I’d always told myself that I would one day avenge my mother. That when I was big enough, when I was strong enough, when I was no longer a coward, I would slay him.”
He continued, “I paused at the top of the stairs. I could shove him down, and easily get away with it. I’m Will Smith. No one would ever believe I killed my father on purpose. I’m one of the best actors in the world. My 911 call would-be Academy Award level. As the decades of pain, anger, and resentment coursed then receded, I shook my head and proceeded to wheel Daddio to the bathroom. Thank God we’re judged by our actions, not by our trauma-driven, inner outbursts.”
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